Where have the tears gone?

I'm wondering why I picked now to start my blog. I have had a great life but it has been filled with many tragedies. The latest tragedy is my husband, Richard,  being diagnosed with extensive small cell carcinoma. We've known for a little over a month. We found out his diagnosis on his birthday, January 23rd. I will talk more about that later.

Today I want to talk about how our friends and families are taking the news. I'm at the hair salon this morning. Get my roots done so I have time to write. Sylvia is my hair stylist. I have known her for about 30 years. My husband introduced her to me. She reminds him of his older sister. He and Sylvia have always had a strong connection. I had not told Sylvia about his diagnosis. I guess I was struggling with how to do that. Yesterday a mutual friend called to tell her he was coming in and he told her. I felt horrible that I had not called her.

So today when I walked in for my monthly haircut as soon as Sylvia saw me the tears started. As we talked her tears continued to flow. But I didn't cry. I haven't been able to cry through any of this. As we tell people they tear up and cry and I cant. I find myself asking God why?  Am I being hard? Cold? Or am I not ready to accept or believe that this is happening? My strong, handsome husband is sick and I busy myself with doing our daily activites and I don't cry.


Richard hasn't cried in front of me either. Maybe if we start crying we won't be able to stop. Maybe God has taken this burden from us. I know this because we asked him to. Is that why I don't cry?  Because  Gods got Richard in his arms?

Dear Lord I pray that when I  cry you will wipe my tears and comfort me.

2 Samuel 22:7

“In my distress I called to the Lord; I called out to my God. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came to his ears.