Several have asked me when I'm going to write again. Not sure why I chose tonight but Joel's sermon this morning hit home. It was about Joseph from Genesis. We've been studying him this summer. Joseph's brothers didn't like him. They beat him and threw him in a hole. Then they sold him for a few coins. Things were going bad for Joseph. It was like Joel was speaking right to me. He said no matter how bad things get God is with us and will help us find new dreams even in our darkest hours.
I haven't written because I haven't known where to begin. Since Richards death in the early morning hours of April 25th I have been existing. All of the cliches you hear when you talk to someone who's lost a loved one. (I hate that term "lost a loved one"--he's not lost. I know exactly where he is) anyway, you know the cliches;"I'm just putting one foot in front of the other." "Just one day at a time" "things will get better". "You will find a new normal." Etc etc etc. All I've been able to think is my best friend in the whole world is gone. The love of my life is gone. The one person who loved me deeply and dearly is gone. Our 30th anniversary is tomorrow. 30 years is more than a lot of people get. I feel so blessed to have had him as my husband and the father of our kids and grand kids. It is lonely without him.
I'm in the hole with Joseph. I'm going to get out of that hole with Gods help. And the prayers of friends. The last entry on the blog was April 17th. I've got some catching up to do. I'm hoping writing will begin to help me heal.
My prayer: Dear Lord please give me and all of those who need it a boost out of their hole. Thank you so much for the 32 years I had with Richard. Hold onto me and the kids as we continue to grieve. In your name, Amen
